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How to have your first threesome
How to have your first threesome
My friend sat opposite me, each of us half way through our espresso martinis. She was frustrated, spilling the details on her latest Tinder escapades.
My friend isn’t single. She’s been in a committed, love you to the moon and back type of relationship for the past 9 years.
And she and her partner are seeking a mythical creature of sorts to bring into their boudoir for an evening of generous, triangulated passion. In more simplistic terms, they want to have a threesome.
They’ve had threesomes before, leading inebriated partygoers back to their home for wine and lost-in-the-moment romps.
But these affairs tended to end up messy, as their intimate moments became a game of Chinese whispers amongst friends.
So they’d turned to dating apps in the hopes of finding a beautiful stranger far removed from their social circles, swiping left and right and starting conversations that would fizzle out after 10 text messages.
Girls would make plans to meet them and then not show up.
Or their lusty lady would show up and end up leaving so soon, nervous to be brought into a couple’s domain with limited experience of navigating unicorn life.
Why dating apps can be disastrous for threesomes
If you’ve stumbled down the rabbit hole of swiping left and right for hours, you know how mentally taxing dating apps can be. In fact, dating apps are becoming more and more disliked.
Sure, they’re fun in the beginning as dating becomes a sort of game, wherein you acquire matches like rare Pokemon. But if you’re an adult with other priorities and finite time, you need to think about the return on investment here. Which is more often than not (at least when it comes to threesomes), zero.
Let’s get mathematical here for a moment. How many hours have you spent on dating apps trying to find your third lover? And how many lovers have you actually found?
If the answer is none, then what areyou doing?
The professional: Your key to creating a triangulated tryst made in heaven
Consider this scenario:
You call your late night lover, a woman entirely in touch with her sexuality who’s eager to please. She’s had threesomes before, in fact, she’s had more than several, and has become an expert of sorts in choreographing an evening to remember.
She’s your lady of the night, a passion professional, and she knows exactly what she’s doing.
Let’s explore why she’s the best option for creating a threesome to remember.
Firstly, she’s well versed in playing with all genders, her tongue fluent in womanly desires and masculine appetites.
Secondly, she knows precisely what’s in store for the evening. You’re all here to have a good time, and she wants to make YOU TWO the CENTRE of the all the fun. She’s a team player, and knows how to make sure everyone feels involved.
Thirdly, she’s far more likely to be the safer option for a monogamous couple. A responsible, professional companion should get regular health checks, at least every 3 months. She’s well versed in sexual health, and takes hers VERY SERIOUSLY.
Fourthly, she’s not here to steal away your boyfriend or girlfriend. I’ve seen triangulated trysts turn sour when one partner falls for their chosen one, especially if two of them are communicating outside of the boudoir.
My friend Casey is a perfect example.
Invited to join a set of high school sweet hearts for regular threesomes (let’s call them Sam and Sally), Casey and Sam developed a connection. Sam and Sally broke up, and now neither of them are in contact.
Sad times.
Fifthly, she won’t need to get blind drunk to loosen up. She’s not nervous at all – she’s a powerful goddess, totally owning her sexuality, and eager to share it with both of you.
Sixthly, she’s going to ask you about your boundaries. Haven’t discussed them yet? You should! Are you ok with your male partner penetrating your lucky lady? What about kissing? What things can they NOT do with your partner? Have a think about the answers to these questions, as any good companion will ask you before she makes her moves.
A ménage trois can be a lot of fun when it’s organised in much the same way you would bake a scrumptious soufflé. Make sure you have the right ingredients, set the right temperature, and get ready to devour your decadent treat.
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